S p a n k l e d e l i a

…and make it double.

Because my little monkey has learned to pull himself up, and has spent the last two weeks pulling himself up on everything, and yanking and sucking on everything he can get his grubby little monkey paws on. I told you we shoulda’ never walked in his presence, so then he wouldn’t get any ideas!

Or: I put th Ex in FedEx Kinko’s.

And the other day, I called ‘em up from the new shop to ask some questions about some paper stocks we used to use, had a great time chatting with my ex-coworkers, and I realize that my relationship with F**** is exactly that of an ex wife. Man, I am bitter and hurt over our bad break-up, but, you know what? I still love the kids.

I just filled up 3/4 a tank of gas in our car. That was £75. Which means $146. For 55 liters, which is 14 1/2 gallons (US Gallons, apparently they made up their own here) So that’s… yes just over $10/ a gallon. Jaysus Keerihst.

I got a new job. The new boss cusses customers if they don’t spend enough money. Awesome.

First & Foremost! Congratulation Chris and Heather on #2! Aine Claire, welcome!

Monkey update: as of this past week , Bennet has begun to crawl. By crawl, I really mean pull himself along like he’s a soldier in a trench. He loves his newfound mobility, and uses it purely for evil (”that over there looks like something I shouldn’t play with…. let’s go!” dookydookydooky) We’ve got the main room in our flat pretty well babyproofed, but when you’re looking for trouble, trouble is what you’ll find. He can sometimes get into a sitting position by himself, but one sitting upright he can balance until something excites him too much and he has to go into convultions. (Doofy faces are the best. I knew this ugly mug had some purpose.)

The last day two weeks during which my parents have been a-visiting we spent a lovely week in Cornwall (southwestern England- think Pirate bumpkins & sweet old ladies) If I haven’t made it clear by this point, I voluntarily terminated my employment with FedexKinko’s Limited in the UK, owing to the slim-to-none chance I was ever going to get a raise or promotion. So now I am jobless, with a few prospects, but I still gotta find a job, or take one that’s on offer, or wait for the maybe better one to maybe confirm itself.

We’ve got about a YEAR’s worth of photos to post, I think, in PhotoGrau.com. Money is tight, but we are also getting started on LandMark Letters, the name for the registered limited company we made for handling my London poster. I’ve still got to build (or get built Duckworth, JP I’m looking at you) landmarkletters.co.uk for retailing/ wholesaling the product. I need to finalizes costs & prices & decide on which manufacturers for some things and even FIND manufacturers for others. I need to prepare a presentation for shop whom I want to carry my product. I need a good incent package to coerce YOU to make some decent commission off getting YOUR friends to buy MY product. Hey, at least I’m like 50-75% done with the Crum’s corn maze this year, one thing out of the way.

So, that was a nice vacation, glad Kinko’s ain’t stressin’ me no more, and now back to ahhhhh crunch time

I’d like to change tack here, and talk some hard numbers.

Now, out of £236,000 we brought in to F**** this month, we got back £3.50 worth of Saintsburies’ two-fer special tub-o-muffins. This represents 0.00148% return, IE just over one thousandth of one percent of what we put in.

A double dozen of Krispy Kreme doughnuts runs £13, and my paycheck before tax & everything comes out is around £1750 (damn you taxman. oh ok national health system is nice) So for me, making sure my team feels rewarded for their efforts cost me 0.742% of my income.

The average human testicle weighs roughly 1.5 oz. As indexed against my own body weight, then, each testicle comprises .0625% of my body. Assuming an even dispersal amongst my body, then, it can be said 0.0463% of my income was given as a direct proportion of each of those particular reproductive glands.

0.0463% > 0.00148%

Mathematical Conclusion:
I’ve got more generosity in my left nut than these people.
I quit.

Again, the problem with living in the UK.. is when you see the price tag for a $70 cute bobbelheaded HRGieger Alien vinyl doll.. a small part of your mind (often pictorialised as a small red man sitting upon one of your shoulders) says “hey, y’know really that’s only like £35, that ain’t so bad…”

.. I guess it’s lucky, then, that I don’t get paid any money to be able to spend frivolously.

Link: Sideshow Collectibles, Inc. - Alien Vinyl Collectible Doll

Link: Exceptions to copyright

I was quite worried about the copyright issues with Landmark Letters (my ABC’s of London poster) until I came across this nugget:

Publicly situated works

Drawing, taking a photograph or making a film of buildings or sculptures and works of artistic craftsmanship in a public place or in premises open to the public.

What will I do after a year of Kinkoidiusness? Yeah, I’m running with this. For a bit. And then I’ll go work for someone else again, most likely.

Well, I gotta say this monkey gets more and more adorable and human-like, if that’s even possible. He is a regular chatterbox “mamamammadadadapapapgagaga nmunmunmunuhhhh ack squeek”. And we are starting to feed him solids, so his current diet is breast, formula, and squishy solid lunches. AND he eats a lot! Now when the spoon is in front of him, he opens his mouth wide and leans in (when he likes it: banana=good; avacado=bad). yaaaay, conditioned responses!!!

Saw this awesome robot silhouette Tshirt. The problem with living in London is I now look at at $25 Tshirt and then think ‘pff its only 12 quid’

Have a look and leave a comment of how many you could name! Edit: I’ll go one better: browse on yon Flickr and add comments there! its got the best of my robot trivia embedded in the image

unless I miss my mark, there’s no Bender on here. mm.

this link is to the designer’s shop:
link: chopshopstore.com : quickorder
feel free to buy me one.

This is a very significant month for myself in regards to F****. It was 10 years and 3,000 miles ago this month that I began to work for the company in the US. Now I am in the United Kingdom, married, have a child, and an entirely different set of priorities in life than the 22 year old who joined Kinko’s a decade ago. Unfortunately, it seems I will not get an opportunity to grow within the company here in the UK. I can understand that my joviality might be confused with insincerity, and my demeanour to mean I cannot take responsibility. As such, I will need to seek to ply my experience and expertise elsewhere, as my first responsibility is to my family and I need to be able to provide for them, which I am currently unable to do. I have vacation booked from the 19th of May, and I don’t believe I will be returning after that.